Allons y?

This is a vast and, en general, a difficult subject to describe because one has to feel the emotions and the live experiences first hand in order to fully appreciate the typically 3rd world phenomena called the bush taxi. That being said, I'll start with one form of travel, and then proceed to the next, and hope that you have fun reading.

1) The 8 seater: This may lead one to believe that this vehicle would be classified as a minivan or even an S.U.V. Nay, this is actually a 5 seater, usually a hatch back or 4 door sedan built in the 1990's or late 1980's. When flagging for one of these bush taxis, you get a response that all taxi drivers give, no matter what the vehicle. moto, 8 seater, 11 seater, it doesn't matter. It's the flip of the wrist and the look as if they're doing you the favor. Then they ask you or tell you where you're goin, and if this coincides with the place they're headed, then voila, you got yourself a taxi. Because you're white, you have to ask before entering becuase they generally triple the price on you after the service has been given and will fight you for it ( For you, oh future tourist, it's a happy meal for you but for me, it's feeding me for 2 weeks. So don't mess up my economy by not hagglin' aiight?! Thought i'd let you know). Trust me, that's no fun and can be totally avoided. Anyway, you look into the car and you see that all the seats are full. Where will i sit? you may ask.

Within the crook of a person's armpits. Oh yea. You get to experience a part of true african culture, all cozied up in the armpit of a person that doesn't believe or know of deodorant. Yes, this is more cultural sharing than any center in the world could provide. Another option is straddling the stick in the middle becuase you're sharing a seat with a passenger in the front. Or better yet, sharing a seat with the driver himself. All in all, it's gonna be a really crappy ride. So you now count out that there are 8 people in this tiny 5 seater, hence the name the 8 seater.

Welcome to Togo, people.

2) The 11-14 seating van: Only here can I get pee'd on, pooped on, and then puked on, all within 15 minutes between the first event and the last event. Oh yes people. The pro's of this van is that you do get your own seat, or atleast there's enough space for you to trick yourself into thinking that you have your own space. The con is that anything, quite literally, anything can be placed under your seat, or the seat infront of you. In my case, a goat, a few chickens were placed infront of me. Yup. You got it. A kid puked on the floor and that splattered on my foot, the goat then pee'd on me, and the chicken followed suite and dropped a nice deuce. I couldn't even be mad. Like...really? That JUST happened, and it happened my foot. I'll remember this for the rest of my life.

3) The moto: Now, this can be a three, quite possibly a 5 seater. This depends if the driver is carrying two kids and a woman with a baby on her back, which I've seen happen way too many times. The way you get one of these death traps is if a moto driver says to you, "allons y" or "On y va?" which means, "we're going there?", to which you reply, yes. I can't even tell you how many times i've had fun with this one. You all have to understand that moto drivers are a dime a dozen here. They pass you and beep at you and ask over and over again. Even in the driver infront was rejected by you, the next one will beep and ask the same thing over and over and over and over and over again. The best is when you're in a group of 5 foreigners, and they try to pick you up. We're like... you wee little moto are going to take all 5 of us? Dude, stop dreaming. They even break their necks trying to pick up foreigners becuase they extort them. Anyway, you should never ride without a helmet, so you won't ever have to worry about riding one unless you bring your own helmet.

All in all, all these vehicles have no shocks. You feel every bump in the road, and trust me, there's a lot of them. Your butt hurts on every vehicle after the ride is over, and if you're lucky you won't stink. Next, there are no lines and people drive on the wrong side of the road. Very frequently. It's no wonder that car accidents kill almost as many people in Africa as AIDS. SO, moral of the story, you'll have an interesting time on the road, but is getting pooped on worth death? Quite possibly, yes.